[28 Nov 2004|07:45pm] maybe its weird but i feel healthy when my pee is clear. also i've come to the conclusion that i am super-human. i am a golden child. the next step in evolution if you will. machine guns? samuri swords? POISON? no. they will not kill me. a bomb or a tank maybe, but how often does that happen? not very. 4 sadistic lullabye

[27 Nov 2004|09:08pm] [ mood | not how it should have hapened ] [ music | co & ca ] i did something stupid and weak. but then again thats me. i've had my moments and i liked to think i was better than that, but i was never very strong. i don't know if i regret it. i am a little sad though that i probably won't get the chance to see what will happen. god. this is on live journal lol. thats a little sad too. i just read all of our old note books and notes and stuff. we were something else. something like that just doesn't go away. i fucking know it. too late for that i guess. i'm sad that i probably won't get the chance to come over like john cusac with a boom box playing "AW BABY" lol. i just don't know. the way we felt doesn't happen every day. it was right there. we needed to time fix it. but you're so fickle lol. i guess thats another reason i love you. you never kept the same hair for more than like 2 weeks lol. you've started to change. so am i. just a little late. no one gave me the chance to change. or show it i guess. i can't stand the thought of me never getting to hold you again. never falling asleep with you knowing you wouldn't rather be anywhere else. when you would stop to tell me you loved me. it was there. those things never left. it hurts to think about the best times of my life. this isn't how it should have happened. this is like my 5 useless rant to you about us. but what else do you do in a situation like this but "reflect". i guess i've said enough for this one. this has been one of the gayest, most "emo" entries i or anyone has ever made. but i guess it hasn't been more appropriate. so i'm going to flip a coin on whether i should post this or not. well i guess i am. we could have been the best....again. i could have made you so happy if you let me. i wish you had some of these books. you might remember. i love you thank you so much. 2 sadistic lullabye

[18 Nov 2004|10:44pm] holy shit. its goin down. tomorrow. coheed and cambria. its going to be fabulous. cause i'm totally going. i don't have a ride, but goddamnit, i'll get there. its like a real life detroit rock city. except in the end, i'll still be a loser douche who shits on himself in live journal :). and goddamnit! if i don't buy a fucking hampster in the next week, i'm just gona have to kill myself. thats the only solution. well good day. pardon my french. 4 sadistic lullabye

[13 Nov 2004|07:01pm] goddamnit. i feel so fuckin....... alone i guess. i feel like i've lost everything. and all my shit starts out with "goddamnit". i can't sleep. i don't do anthing i used to for fun. i can't keep anyone. no one every wants me like i want them. what i'm i doing wrong? riddle me that. why can't alex keep anyone? 13 sadistic lullabye

[09 Nov 2004|08:57pm] dude. goddamnit. i hate "autum" or fall or whatever you call it. first of all, i don't even see any shit for sale that has to do with thanksgiving. the christmas shit is alreay out. second, when you actualy see thanksgiving decoration, its fuckin......dead leaves and pumpkins and a turkey and hay and all this other brown stuff that makes me want to slam my face into a wall. everything is brown. brown is the worst color ever. nobody likes brown. god. reason the third, i just don't care for these two months what with these two holidays. i'll leave you hanging for now as to why but i'm sure i'll bich about it when it tis the season. anyway, today was awesome. i remembered why i always wait. i finally got my hair strait without taring out half of it............. i'm a guy by the way. well good day 3 sadistic lullabye

[25 Oct 2004|04:42pm] this morning at like 1... i'm smiling like the grinch. eh? yeah! 5 sadistic lullabye

[22 Oct 2004|04:06pm] its day 2 of my experiment. i'm trying to see what happens to you when you don't sleep for days at a time. it hurts to blink. it feels like closing a rusty door. so in cinclusion, i stayed up for 2 days strait so that i could fall asleep in class with my mouth open and find out that it feels bad. i am an idiot. but i solved that mystery. 2 sadistic lullabye

[21 Oct 2004|04:36pm] gooooooooddamnit i feel pretty gay writing in this. i'm not calling everyone gay but i feel gay because i'm like "hey i don't fit in anywhere so why don't i do this and try to be cool like everyone and pretend that people give a shit what happened in my day." i'll tell you the most interesting thing that happened in my day. the septic tank at school blew up or something and the who hall smelled like candy and shit. other than that.........idk. i want to go out in a hail of gun fire. right now. yeah i can't pull this off. (sigh). i just let out a sigh. good day. 5 sadistic lullabye

calm before the storm [02 Sep 2004|03:10am] this is the girlfriend updating for alex. he probably wont update much, or at all in here. he uses this journal for the friends-only page and for bitchpunch. leave him a comment if you want. sadistic lullabye

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